So I wanted to pop in this fine Monday to share something super embarrassing about me...something you probably didn't know about me....
You ready for it?
I USED TO BE AFRAID OF A STEAK
Before you are like "ummm weird....ya right!"....hear me out.
So from the age of 15 I actually suffered from a severe eating disorder. I dieted to the extreme and over-excised my body past it's limits.
My weight and my fear of being fat were my obsessions day in and day out for years upon years....and I could have easily died.
Yep...you read that correctly....I COULD HAVE DIED.
And all because I was terrified....and because I believed the lies that my ED brain told me every day
"Just lose some weight and guys will love you."
"Reach this goal weight and everything will be perfect again."
"People think you look so fat today."
"You are a total failure so you might as well do something right."
"Your stomach looks fat"
"You look like a fat cow in that bathing suit"
"Everyone is laughing at you"
"You need to tone up"
On and on it went....
Fortunately I made the decision to seek help....and I've never looked back.
However, I vividly remember being in the car with my mom on Valentine's Day. She was driving me back to the inpatient center I was living in at the time. I sat there and all of a sudden had the thought "I am literally afraid of a steak"....and my logical brain was like "that is so ridiculous!" but inside my heart...I felt the truth.
Did I look like I had an eating disorder at the time....yep....but most people don't. As a matter of fact, some of the worst and toughest points in my journey were at times when I looked "OK" on the outside....and I was definitely not OK.
I can bet that you know someone that has been touched by an eating disorder....maybe even you....
And it is something that leaves a mark on your life.
People die EVERY WEEK from eating disorders....but, sadly, you don't see that on their death certificate. You see heart failure, stroke, heart attack, liver failure, etc. And there are families all around us who are suffering because of this disease.
This week is NEDA awareness week....a cause that is especially close to my heart. I consider myself a survivor. And I've dedicated my life to bringing awareness to eating disorders and disordered eating.
I've done the work to reach a point I only dreamed of...complete and total freedom from the ED....AND from disordered eating. Food no longer scares me....in fact, I enjoy food more than I ever dreamed I could.
And now I teach others how to find their food freedom too....the freedom from that voice inside that berates us for our weight...for how we look...for the foods that we eat....for the exercise we do or don't do....
This week, pause and think about for a second....what could I do with all of the time I spend criticizing myself and controlling my food? Could I spend that time with my family? Doing the things I love? Laughing more? Creating memories? Being the best ME possible?
I can guarantee you won't care about the size of your pants when you are on your last breaths....so why wait until then?
Freedom is yours. It's possible for you. And you can have it this very minute. Why waist another day "starting over" on your diet....or beating yourself up for eating that carb? Why follow someone else's rules for how you "should" eat? This is YOUR body. YOUR life. YOUR time. And You DESERVE to live every bit of it to the fullest and to be FREE.
Nowadays, I'm grateful to be alive. To do the work I do. And I look for ways that I can help more. If you or anyone you know EVER needs support, I am here. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me via email or social media and I will do everything I can to assist you.
Why? Because I don't just believe in my freedom....I believe in yours too.
To Your Freedom,