As promised, here is the story of Wyatt Fitz Vesterdahl's birth! I know this has taken me a bit to write but adjusting to life as a new mom is definitely no joke. I know medical decisions around labor and delivery can be a hotbed of opinion so I'm gonna say this once and once only....If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Haterade won't be tolerated. Matt and I both made decisions based on what we felt was best and we ask that you respect that. I know my readers are totally amazing so I doubt there will be any problems...but it just needed to be said. Oh and "advice" disguised as disapproval and judgment will be deleted as well....OK enough of that and on to the good stuff!
The day I went into labor started out just like any other day at that point...I woke up and did a quick scan to see how I felt while wondering if today would be the day that everything changed for us. I didn't suspect that I would go into labor because there were ZERO signs of contractions until mid morning. Even with contractions coming randomly all morning long, I didn't want to get my hopes up that I was actually going into labor.
To keep things moving, I decided to go and meet my mom and grandma at a local mall to walk around. Walking was supposed to help labor so I figured "what the heck...it will only help things." Since I had been having random contractions all morning, I had told Matt and he was well aware of the potential for labor. Off I went to the mall around 12:30 and ended up walking around with my mom and grandma for about an hour and a half. Even while we were walking, they both remained blissfully unaware that I was having contractions because I didn't want to get their hopes up if this wasn't the real thing. Matt, on the other hand, was anxiously texting me every two minutes (ok ok maybe it was every 5) to see if I was still having contractions. At this point, the contractions were still random and there wasn't any regularity to them at all...not to mention that they weren't very painful.
Once I got home, I noticed that the contractions had stopped and was disappointed...however, after a good long nap, the contractions kicked back up again around 5pm. At this point, Matt was home and it was starting to set in that we were actually going to be meeting out little guy soon! I settled in and ate a gourmet dinner (ok more like quick dinner) of gluten free chicken noodle soup and crackers as we watched the Angel game. Around 8pm the contractions started becoming regular and we started timing them at around 7-8 minutes apart.
At that point, I knew I was definitely in labor and wanted to help things along so I commenced pacing around our living room and walking up and down our stairs. When we finally went upstairs to lay in bed around 10pm, I found that I couldn't lay down and commenced walking around our bedroom and the hallway. The dogs (especially Winnie) watched anxiously as I paced around. By this point, I had texted my mom and sister to let them know I was in labor and I knew all everyone was anxiously waiting the trip to the hospital.
By 11:30pm Matt finally convinced me to go to the hospital because the contractions had been regularly around 5-7 minutes apart for over 2 hours. I wanted to stay at home as long as possible because my worst fear was getting to the hospital and being sent home!
After being wheeled to my room in a pink wheelchair (yes I thoroughly loved that it was pink), I was starting to feel a good amount of pain. When they asked if I wanted pain relief, I was like "HECK YES!" The anesthesiologist finally came around 30 minutes later and in went the epidural. I laid on my side and happily awaited pain relief but as the minutes ticked by and nothing happened, I started to panic....No way had I planned on doing this au natural! Since the first epidural didn't work, the doctor came back to try again. By this point I was a bit inconsolable because of the pain and this time the epidural HURT....like screaming hurt (sorry for those of you who haven't had children yet). Matt was a total rockstar and was able to calm me down so he could place the new epidural.
Thank goodness this time it worked! I thought it was the weirdest thing feeling the numbness but at that point I was so damn grateful for pain relief. We all settled in (I had my mom and Matt in the room with me) and attempted to get some sleep. About an hour in to my blissful relief, the nurse noticed that my contractions had actually gotten longer apart instead of closer together and we opted to do a small dose of pitocin to make sure that labor progressed and there was no stress on the baby. Let me tell you something...that stuff worked for me big time...but more on that in a sec.
Now, around an hour and a half into pain relief I noticed that I was feeling more contractions and definitely more pain than I had been. However, my people pleasing nature got the best of me and I chose not to say anything until the nurse came back. Well that was a BIG mistake on my part....why? Because they had let the epidural medication run completely out....and you know what that means....within about fifteen minutes all of my pain relief was gone and I was feeling the worst part of labor. To say it sucked is an understatement....
By this point, my nurse was scrambling to get the pain med and I was not a happy camper...not to mention, I had dilated a bunch and baby was coming soon. After what seemed like an hour, the day shift anesthesiologist came in with a big syringe and shot me up with the medication.....ahhhh sweet relief....
However, that relief was short lived because our little man was tired of waiting and was ready to go already.....I notified the nurse and she was shocked at how fast I was progressing. She called in the doctor and they had to break my water. This is also when I found out that my lovely child was facing up and apparently this makes labor even more painful...hooray...lucky me (cue the eye roll).
A short time later, the nurse came back and had me do some practice pushes....however upon the last one, she told me to stop because baby boy was coming. I found it slightly hilarious that she rushed out to go get the doctor because I had been telling her for the past 20 minutes that he was coming. Once the doctor came in it was go time. It only took three rounds of pushing and our little man was born at 10:34am at 7lbs 1oz and a healthy set of lungs.
I remember thinking...what do I do with this squirming bundle they are handing me...but luckily he eventually snuggled right in and went to sleep. Once we got up to my recovery room on the mother/baby unit, I ordered a gourmet meal of hospital food...by that point everyone was exhausted because we had been up for over 24 hours. I was only in the hospital for another day and a half and little man was healthy as can be (thank goodness!). While it definitely was not an easy journey, I learned some lessons along the way and am so grateful for the healthy bundle of joy we now have in our family.
So that's my story. I tried to leave some of the TMI stuff out but I will say that it was definitely a humbling experience. In the end, it's not something I would choose to do every year but it definitely gives you a great gift at the end.
P.S. It was the weirdest thing driving home and having a newborn in the car with you....it's like...wait...oh ya...that's ours!
I have a confession to make.... and it's time to suck it up buttercup and say it.....
I am a promise breaker....
Yep...you read that right...I'm a promise breaker. And not just one of those one-time Sally promise breakers...I'm a repeat offender. I know I know...gasp!
Here's the real kicker though....I'm the worst promise breaker, not to others, but to MYSELF.
I just finished reading Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis (side note: go buy that book...like seriously...as soon as you are done reading...go buy it!) and one of the chapters that really hit home for me was the chapter on keeping commitments.
It was like a very uncomfortable sucker punch to my solar plexus when she asked if you keep promises to yourself. Why? Because if I was honest with myself, I know that the first person I break promises to is to myself.
What has that lead to? That has lead to a fear of failure that rivals Trump's fear of everyone ignoring him. Was that too much? #SorryNotSorry
Not to mention a list of goals that's a mile long with not many check marks on it because...ummm helloo....no follow through. Cue the sinking feeling of guilt and shame in the pit of my stomach.
Sadly enough, I know that I'm not alone with this. The ability to break promises to ourselves seems to be a virus affecting many women on this planet. And what do you think that says to our subconscious about our worthiness? Our importance?
Ultimately, we end up putting everyone else first and then wonder why we are unsatisfied, unhappy, and crabby about our life.
Think about it.....What happens to that friend that always seems to flake on plans? Eventually....they stop getting invited.
So imagine for a sec that your goals, dreams, and imagination are that friend. When you keep breaking those promises to yourself, eventually your subconscious stops trying.
When was the last time you really allowed yourself to think about your goals? dreams? what you truly desired in your life?
When was the last time you dreamed big WITH the undertone that it was truly achievable?
I see so many women just going through the motions in their lives and shrinking their dreams. Failing to keep the promises we make to ourselves is the fast track to this kind of problem.
I mean, because your subconscious just figures "why bother" when she isn't going to follow through anyways....
I know this may seem a bit harsh but I wanted to share in case it hit home like it did for me.
After really stepping back and taking a tough look at this, I've made keeping the commitments to myself a priority....and boy oh boy does it truly make a difference.
Soooooo....if you are feeling a tad bit uncomfortable because keeping your promises to yourself is something not super high on the priority list....I invite you to decide right here, right now, to make a shift.
It doesn't need to be some ginormo commitment....but what is one thing you can commit to? What is one commitment you can make to yourself? What goals and dreams have you placed on the back burner because you "can't" follow through?
Start with just one thing. Follow through. Make the commitment to yourself a priority and you will be amazed at how it impacts your life in a positive way.
P.S. Want to make it public? Comment below with your commitment or tag me on social media so I can root you on!
Hi There Friend!
I just wanted to pop into your inbox this lovely Monday morning to chat a little....I mean, it's been FOREVER...so what's been going on in your world?
For me, I've been growing bigger each day and things are finally all put together and finished waiting for baby boy to make his appearance. I've really been trying to slow down and listen to my body when I'm tired (which seems to be a lot as of late lol).
This morning I was pondering things and had some thoughts that I think you might find interesting.
How often do you feel like things are going wrong?
Is it super easy for you to focus on the things that are going wrong versus the things that are going right?
I know my brain totally loves to focus on all the things that are going wrong and sometimes it's like pulling freaking teeth to get it on the positivity train.
So anyways...I was sitting and thinking this morning about why my brain has been on the negativity train as of late and I realized something....
It's not that things are going "wrong".... it's that things aren't going exactly how I "want" them to go.....
Cue the bomb of awareness exploding in my brain!
What if whenever we think things are going "wrong" they actually aren't? What if things aren't going wrong...we just are feeling (insert negative feeling here) because it isn't going how we WANT it to go?
I think there is a huge and important distinction there because often times our egos love to convince us that external things are the source of our misery....whether it's people, events, etc....all things outside of us that are responsible for our negative experience.
However, we are the ones that are actually responsible for things feeling like they are going "wrong" in our life.
Here's an example just to illustrate what I mean...
Let's say you are up for a promotion or a new job and you get turned down. Normally, the rhetoric would be that the career area of your life is just going wrong right now....Cue the feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, and maybe even hopelessness or powerlessness because you feel like you don't have any control over the situation...maybe you even feel like God/The Universe/Someone must have it out for you...
However, it's not necessarily that this area of your life is going "wrong"..... it's just that things aren't going as you would "like them" to go.
Now, take the same scenario. Let's say you take the new viewpoint on it and say to yourself, "ok I'm feeling _________ because things aren't going how I would have liked or expected them to go." Instead of triggering that lack of control or victimhood, you still feel some semblance of power in the situation.
There is a very different outcome here....it stops the spiral of feeling like "oh gosh what is gonna be next" and like the world is out to get you....and instead, replaces it with a sense of "ok this must be happening for a purpose." Not to mention, still instilling hope that things will work out better than you thought and perhaps there are divine forces that truly love you and want to give you something even better.
Personally, I prefer the second scenario much more than the pit of misery the first one brings. How about you?
Can you reframe a scenario or area of your life where you feel like things are going "wrong"?
I know for me that taking my power back is a HUGE part of returning to positivity, love and hope...and my hope is that this reframe will help you do the same.
Life loves you...even when it doesn't feel like it at all....and I just want you to know that you haven't done anything wrong or anything to "deserve" any negative instances....
You are loved and life does want things to work out amazingly for you...sometimes it just takes a few twists, turns and road blocks to get you there.
Sending you so much love this Monday Morning!