Remember me? I was your former buddy, best friend, partner-in-crime, whatever you want to call it. Remember those days of power and control that you had? Well, I bet you are pretty pissed off right about now because that power is long gone. Ya, you still pipe up and try to make me feel like crap every now and then, but your powers of persuasion have faded and I can see right through the lies. All that talk about how my life will be perfect if I do what you say is meaningless to me now.
I think back on those days where your voice was the loudest voice I heard and the only voice I cared about. You were my salvation, judge and jury in those dark days. I was in a constant struggle to please you in order to gain those empty promises of contentment, acceptance and freedom. Like a hamster on a wheel, no matter what I did, it was never enough. You were like my own personal drill sergeant pushing me harder and harder each day. Whenever I started to catch on to your game, you would transform into a sweeter-than-honey voice that seduced me into believing that your way was the best way. I would continually forgive you and promise to follow your path, never giving up hope that someday I would gain what you promised.
Through thick and thin, you were my guide, constantly leading me to the so called “promise land” of happiness and contentment. I was in my own dark fairytale where I had it all (grades, money, lots of friends, guys, a thin body, and tons of potential) but felt no connection, happiness or joy. Not to mention the fact that I had dragged the people I love into the dark fairytale with me!
But oh no…not anymore. Those days of darkness are gone Ed. I finally found my strength and powerful inner voice, a voice that treats me with compassion and respect. I have learned that my body is a miraculous and precious gift that must be treated with love, not judgement and hatred. I am special in my uniqueness and I celebrate my quirks and flaws. Instead of thinking only about how to lose weight, my thoughts center on how I can make the world a better place. The best part of all is that I can use my voice and inner power to help others find theirs. So thanks Ed, but your services are no longer required and your lies have been exposed.
I recognize that you were a way of coping that I thought was harmless (at the time), but now I know better. There are so many other, better, ways that I can use my brainpower nowadays. Even though I have left your evil behind, I feel compassion and gratitude for that time in my life. I refuse to live with regrets. Because of you, I know more about myself than I ever thought possible. Because of you, I have overcome challenges and found a greater love than I ever could have imagined. Because of you, I found my inner light and powerful voice that I intend to share with the world.
So goodbye Ed. So long. Your services are no longer needed. I am so over you and I hope to help others beat you too. Have fun in your land of negativity and darkness, while I enjoy this life filled with dreams, light, hope and love.